idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
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votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
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Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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