i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
pray to the hookup gods
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
