I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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