so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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