I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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