do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
