There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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