Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
