dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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