Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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