the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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