I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
