Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize
