im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
