i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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