i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
