butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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