there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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