i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
