M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
