I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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