if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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