Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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