We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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