just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
