My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
