There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
