her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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