I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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