i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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