there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
