dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
