Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
sex in a hospital.. check
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
