I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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