I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
