i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
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You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
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I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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