I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
