i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
