My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
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