There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
