Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
