Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
