hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
