Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
