All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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