And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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