Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
