Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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