thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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