And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
