I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
