If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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