he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
