I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
