Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
