You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
