I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
