I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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