Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
