I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
