So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
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she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
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On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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