Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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