I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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