The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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