ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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