I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
