i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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